In therapy, the efforts we make to articulate our process or the actions we are taking is in my opinion an essential part of making and sustaining changes in our lives. Although many clients are successful in helping themselves feel better, anxiety and depression have a habit of creeping back up on us when we don’t have an understanding of what we did to make things better or why it worked!

Ironically, it was a client who prompted me to articulate the coping skills I use to moderate my own mood states. I was going over Seligman’s PERMA model of coping when the client asked me how I do this in my day to day. I appreciated the opportunity to walk the walk in my practice and I came back the next week with a draft version of what I call the ARCH model. My last post gave an overview of the ARCH model of coping with anxiety. The model changes slightly for coping with depression; Reappraisal changes to Rest, Centering changes to Coping. Here is an excerpt that describes the model in more detail:

We wrote in our summary that avoiding and/or moving through a shutdown requires recognition of the signs that our human equipment is burning out and then immediate and long-term attention to our physical and emotional needs. The framework I use to increase my awareness and care of my own physical and emotional needs is a version of the ARCH process we used to address anxiety in the previous chapter, with some variations to the approach that are specific to coping with depression. As with anxiety, the ARCH model for depression is not meant as a rigid order to be followed but as concurrent efforts you can make that may help you prevent and/ or steadily move out of a depressive state without incurring further injury.

Just like with anxiety, the ARCH process for depression begins with Attunement. Attunement is a prompt for me to become aware of my physical and mental state, my surroundings, and the stressors present in my life right now. In this first step, I am identifying what is happening for me and searching for clues about what may be causing or contributing to my depressive state. Insight about what is going on for me will help guide decisions about what remedial actions may be necessary, now and in the future. Tuning into our brains and bodies can tell us a lot about how we are responding to our circumstances and what we may be finding overwhelming.

In the Awareness section, you described what you felt in your brain and body as you were approaching a shutdown and what stressors you were dealing with at the time. Your answers hold clues for how you will recognize an impending shutdown or its aftermath. You may have noticed emotional markers such as sadness and grief, or noticed a lack of motivation, enjoyment, or sense of purpose. Depression can also manifest in physical symptoms such as fatigue, headaches, stomachaches, muscle stiffness, and general pain.

Clues can also be found in the language we use, both with ourselves internally and the words we speak to others. We may be describing frustration and annoyance to ourselves and others, or we may notice an increase in sarcasm, cynicism, and self-criticism. When noticing stressors, pay close attention to any patterns you may see. It is often easier to identify an acute stressor for its size and intensity. However, many of us have cycles of experience, seasons, and time periods that are difficult for us and may have us operating close to our distress threshold absent our full awareness.

The second step in the ARCH process for depression is Rest and is a prompt for me to significantly reduce my workload and return to my core needs. Similar to a physical injury, our brains and bodies require rest to heal after an emotional injury, the length of time required often corresponding to the nature and severity of the distress. Along with rest comes a need to focus on the brain and body essentials of adequate sleep, nutrition, healthy relationships, and once the initial rest period is over, movement and rehabilitation.

You will remember from our first lesson, What’s My Motivation, that a compassionate approach is most effective for times when our brains and bodies need rest and care. Avoiding and/or moving out of a shutdown will require our inner motivational speaker to chart a patient, nurturing, healing path that is attuned to our ongoing status and our capacity to reinjure ourselves if pushed too hard too quickly. Some of us may find self-compassion difficult, especially those of us who find ourselves shut down due to overexertion and who may be uncomfortable sitting still. In the interest of our healing and longevity, however, we will have to find a way to take things slowly.

Coping is the third step and is focused on changing the circumstances and conditions that led to the shutdown, reducing guilt, shame, and other obstacles to healing, and making peace with those circumstances and events that are outside of our control. Coping prompts us to change our mindset about how quickly and how perfectly our goals will be achieved. Practically speaking, this may mean a prolonged reduction or even a suspension of whatever important work we were doing and a reordering of our priorities to include continued and long-term attention to our health and well-being. Coping moves us toward acceptance of the slow pace of recovery and of those losses in our lives that extend beyond what we can or is reasonable for us to recover.

If this sounds to you a bit like the grieving process, you’re onto something. Depression can take this shape as we are processing some loss in our lives. Although the grieving process may be an obvious fit for the loss of a loved one, the concept of loss extends to other circumstances in our lives, both symbolic and existential. Our shutdown could be related to the loss of a relationship (loss of belonging/support), a missed opportunity (loss of a desired future), a physical injury (loss of vitality), etc. It is imperative that we grieve losses like these in the interest of living our lives and being fully present to new experiences and new relationships.

Acceptance makes way for the fourth step, Hope. The Hope step asks us to envision and work toward a better life by increasing our agency, setting goals, and taking action. In the Hope step, we are shifting focus away from what we can’t do, change, prevent, or predict, and focusing instead on what we can do, change, prevent, or work diligently on. The Hope step prompts us to move forward and leave the past where it sits. Does this mean we never look back (we’re asking a therapist this question)? Of course not! If there are lessons to be learned from the past, by all means, learn them! But then move forward and build the life you want for yourself. You do not need to carry the past with you. If at some point you need to examine the past, I am certain you will find it right where you left it.

Additionally, not everything that happens to us in life will have a lesson attached to it. Some circumstances are well outside our control and will not hold many answers for us about how we need to live our lives. Although a desire to understand past events is only natural, too much focus on finding answers may lead us away from healing and may keep us confused and resentful. The Hope step keeps us from getting stuck here and helps us to stay focused on how things can get better. If life doesn’t make sense right now, use your dissatisfaction as the catalyst for a full on effort to bring about the life you want. Your future self can look back and say, “that was the moment I took a different path,” and see the experience as meaningful.